I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
