I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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