i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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