Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
