I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
