I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
