I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
