i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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