New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
