Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
