please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
