you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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