Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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