So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just crazy horny about you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
