He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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