normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
