The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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