its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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