Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
