A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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