so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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