So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
