We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
