i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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