So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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