im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
