JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
