Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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