Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
