We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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