It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
where are you?
Hypothermia
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
