the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
