i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
