I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I supernannyed him into submission
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
