she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
