my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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