What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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