I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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