OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
