At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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