I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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