i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
