Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
