Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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