i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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