The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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