Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
