how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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