I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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