I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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