Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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