I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
