so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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