White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
