Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
