Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
