Jerry, you need to find god
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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