First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
