two words: eviction party
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
BRING THE BAGELS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
