someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
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I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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