party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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