...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
