Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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