just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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