So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
