I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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