He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
