There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
