you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
