did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
