I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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