Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
