my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
