I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
